Let’s Go Inside
I hope you're having a wonderful 2024 so far. Did you set any resolutions? If so, how is it going so far? What arises within you when you do follow through or don't follow through? Oftentimes, setting resolutions can feel like planting inner landmines. When we do follow through, we're relieved we didn't step on it, and when we don't follow through, an explosion of disappointment, shame, hopelessness, inner criticism, or even self-hatred, blows up in our faces. Does this sound familiar?
If you've experienced complex trauma, it may be challenging to genuinely feel good--joy, aliveness, and wholeness--when you follow through, reach your goals, or keep your promises to yourself. Feeling good is often interpreted by parts of us as lowering our guard and therefore being open to more threats. It makes sense considering this helped keep us prepared for the worst-case scenario. Positive emotions or experiences cause suspicions to arise as a result. We can appreciate those parts of us that tried to shield us from danger. The flip side is when we inevitably fall short or disappoint (because we are human), our sense of self is encroached upon. This is especially the case if you see your achievements in the material world as inextricably linked to your identity, and, therefore, to your worth as a human Being. This is often a cultural or legacy burden parts of us have picked up to adapt to a world that places paramount value on working and performing.
Following through on a resolution or achieving a goal without a contextual framework of intrinsic meaning, deeper value, or greater purpose exiles the sacred from our lives. Aiming toward an ideal, a higher good whether individually or collectively, is a sacred process. From time immemorial we have known this as the ancient myths, stories, and religions reflect back to us and celebrate the heroic journey that is our birthright. Today we are divorced from these traditions in our Western world. We live in a world that distracts us with pleasure and obscures our perception of the Truth. Victor Frankl writes, "When a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure." Pleasure has replaced meaning.
We are yearning for the ascent to the Psychic heavens, the elixirs of life, without having to descend into our personal Underworld, ground ourselves in Truth, and sacrifice for a higher vision. We are seeking the treasures without daring to go into the cave that holds them. We want to be resurrected without first experiencing our personal crucifixion. We want salvation without suffering. This is a noble attempt on our part to soothe ourselves and provide some relief and protection from the inevitable tragedies that we experience. The paradox, however, is that what we resist persists, what we distract ourselves from only grows and intensifies. The more we exile meaning and see pleasure as the solution to our suffering, the more distracted, untethered, and groundless we become. We find ourselves lost or imprisoned in our internal dungeons and labyrinths. We become consumers instead of creators.
My message to you for today and for this year is to turn back and remember you co-create with the divine, however you define it. You can let go of the cultural burden that has forsaken meaning for pleasure as the path to freedom from suffering. You can achieve goals and keep resolutions more effectively without the burden of worthlessness or shame weighing you down. You can achieve goals with the virtues of hope and faith lifting you up to the sacred and allowing your light to shine through. You are inherently valuable. You are worthy. And the more you embrace and invite in the meaning or sacredness of life, the more you will be able to tolerate and even celebrate the obstacles, struggles, or sacrifices on your hero's journey.
Questions
What has historically arisen for you when you aim for a goal, attempt to follow through, or keep a resolution? Notice any thoughts, feelings, or sensations that come to the surface when you do or don't follow through. These are all trailheads and worthy of exploration to better understand and get to know the woundedness that often drives us to work more, perform better, move forward, etc.
I invite you to create a map of meaning or a lens through which you can see yourself and experience the world as inextricably connected to the divine, however you define it. How do you define meaning? The sacred? The divine? You can look inside for what comes up spontaneously and/or you can look into ancient myths, stories, and traditions. Are you drawn to any ancient traditions or teachings that resonate with you?
What cultural or legacy burdens around work, achievement, success, and striving have you carried into your adulthood? What messages have picked up from your culture or family and how have these message impacted the way you show up in your day-to-day life?
What if there was another way? What if you could reclaim the sacred in your life and find a deeper sense of meaning and fulfillment? What would your life look like, feel like, be like? What would you look like, feel like, be like? How would you show up differently?
More from Sofia
Letters from Sofia #3: How to Live with Meaning / newsletter
My previous newsletter in case you missed it. I share with you my fear-death experience on the shores of Portugal and how to reclaim a sense of freedom and adventure. I invite you to reflect on the states of rapture and transcendence as potential everyday experiences.
How to Get Clarity with Almost Anything / article
I share the number one reason you are lacking clarity and five ways to gain clarity about almost any situation through the IFS therapy lens. You will learn to PIVOT from confusion and overwhelm to clarity and confidence. I share tools to help you master your emotions with greater self-compassion, meaning, and aliveness.
Invitations for Exploration
I'm Reading:
What My Bones Know: A memoir of healing from complex trauma by Stephanie Foo. This book is a heart-breaking yet hope-inducing memoir of a complex trauma survivor. Stephanie Foo's courageous story makes me reflect upon what it means to be resilient and how as a culture we define resilience in ways that can cause more harm and re-traumatization than healing and wholeness. It inspires me to give voice to alternate views of resilience and to recognize how work and achievement can be forms of dissociation that disconnect us from our inherent value and sacredness as human beings.
I'm Watching:
Harvard Professor: This Food is Causing a Mental Health Crisis with Chris Palmer | Diary of a CEO. Chris Palmer, author of Brain Energy, has created a revolutionary unifying theory of mental illness. I'm grateful to see he is receiving greater traction and popularity as his insights on the connection between diet, metabolic syndrome, and mental health can lead to unbelievable transform and healing from the inside out. Healing trauma is one piece of the puzzle, and I know personally and professionally, that what we consume psychologically, spiritually, and physically can either have dire consequences or unlock our body's innate healing potential.
I'm Listening To:
Hans Zimmer | Interstellar (Space Sounds) I return over and over to the soundtrack from Christopher Nolan's film Interstellar. I find it helps me access a sense of awe, interconnectedness, and openness to cosmic possibility. What music do you listen to that inspires you to pause and experience a deeper sense of meaning and sacredness?