Welcome to Part 3 of the How to Recover from Childhood Trauma Series. I’m going to be sharing with you how to thrive after trauma without burnout. This is for you if you’re one of many adult children of alcoholics, adult children of narcissistic parents, or adult survivors of otherwise abusive or neglectful homes.
If you’re new here or need a refresher, welcome. I’m taking you on a 3-part tour of your inner wilderness through the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy lens. I lay out everything you need to know about being a high achiever AND an adult living with childhood trauma. I’m a Level 2 trained IFS therapist. I’ve witnessed countless clients experience peace, empowerment, and a fulfilling, authentic life. I’m also someone who has survived and thrived after experiencing childhood trauma as a result of narcissistic abuse.
I know deep in my hear that you. Yes I’m talking to YOU—you are worthy of not just surviving but joyfully thriving in every aspect of your life. So buckle up, grab a coffee, tea, or hot cocoa and let’s get into it.
How to recover from childhood trauma without burnout: A quick recap
You discovered what is an adult child and the underlying root causes of childhood trauma impacting you right now in Part 1. These are the “whys” of the Self-Hero Series.
You learned the “hows” in Part 2. How did you survive your childhood and how’s your childhood trauma impacting you today as an adult? I went into all things survival strategies, core fears, and childhood primal wounds that make up your internal landscape and create your life. This neatly lays out The Problem, how it shows up in your everyday life and what you need to look out for.
I’m going to offer you The Solution and the 12 Steps to help you thrive and create the life you deserve without the burnout in Part 3. Hint: Chances are that in the midst of trying to survive your past you forgot (or maybe never got to know) who you were meant to be before the trauma (or the shit hit the fan). These 12 steps are guideposts to show you who you already are, the hero of your own story.
You don’t have to go through what I went through
When I first came to my healing journey, I had super strong high achiever and perfectionist parts who had the following MO: achieve, achieve, achieve. I now know it was all in an attempt to feel like I belong, I’m worthy, I have some power or control. Sound familiar? Let me save you some time and energy with this lesson I learned through many dark nights of the soul fueled by blood, sweat, and tears:
The fastest way to burnout is having your internal system and life organized around NOT feeling your wounds of abandonment, worthlessness, and powerlessness.
No matter the achievement.
No matter the success.
No matter the levels of perfection reached.
The wounds are still there. And the fear of feeling them robs you from a sense of fulfillment, meaning, connection, joy, freedom, (fill in the blank!).
My high achieving part is so damn clever and resourceful
It even used self-help as a means to achieve. Is there a gold medal for self-help? If so, my parts were after it with the dedication and commitment of an Olympic athlete. I used self-help podcasts, lectures, books, meditations, manifestations, reprogramming tools, affirmations, rituals and habits, diet changes, cold showers. You name it. It turns out that my self-help became another thing on the to do list. My high achieving part led me to a leaner, meaner downward spiral toward burnout despite having the best of intentions.
I hope you haven’t gone down this spiral. And if you’re at the brink of it right now as you read this then this is for you. If you’re right in the center free falling, it’s never too late. I’m writing this so you have a way out to be your best self without the stress or overwhelm of having to prove yourself to anyone.
I’m sharing with you the solution I discovered after doing my own personal healing through Internal Family Systems therapy and helping clients get in touch with their joy, peace, freedom, and love. A part of me also considers this to be a little love not to my younger self.
The Solution or how to recover from childhood trauma using Internal Family Systems
The solution is to be the hero of our own lives. As we begin to feel at home in our minds and bodies one breath at a time, we will notice how exhausting and even painful carrying our protective armor has become. We will be called on an adventure to discover what lies within and beyond the protective parts of us. We will come to understand that we’re much more than meets the eye. We will gain access to a source of inner power and wisdom, our core Self. We will brave the wilderness of our internal world, climb down to the abysses and dungeons of our psyche, and rescue the exiled parts of us that have been neglected and abused. We will let go of past burdens and recover who we were meant to be before our childhood wounding. We will no longer be imprisoned by fear and shame. Our inner child parts will come to know and trust us as active, compassionate leaders taking the reins and knowing intuitively what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. We will become Self-led.
The healing begins when we get curious about what lies beyond and open space for even a ray of hope to shine through and reveal another way of living. By healing our primal wounds of abandonment, worthlessness, and powerlessness, we discover it’s safe to be. We experience and express our true nature with authenticity. We are able to access our primal gifts–our natural gifts, talents, and qualities that make us uniquely who we are. We let go of our core fears and we claim our core rights to belong, be powerful, and accept ourselves as we are. We gradually replace survival strategies with thriving strategies: curiosity, compassion, calm, connectedness, clarity, creativity, confidence, courage, persistence, patience, playfulness, perspective, and presence.
This process allows us to see ourselves and each other as fellow travelers taking an inward journey to recover our true nature and finally feel at peace and at home in our bodies, our relationships, and the world. We will honor all the parts of us that used whatever means they had to survive and let us be here today. Without them we would not be able to answer the call to adventure and real change.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps, we use the meetings, we use the meditations and other tools, we allow ourselves to be supported by fellow travelers, therapists, healers, teachers, and mentors in whatever ways they appear.
By doing the work on a regular basis, you will come to see that what was previously a trigger is a trailhead or signpost showing you the path toward a wounded inner child that needs more of you–your attention, your care, your loving parenting, and courageous leadership.
You are not alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what.
This is a spiritual program based on unleashing the power of love to heal trauma and experience self-leadership together. You will awaken to what it means to be a Self-Hero, who can go deep and dark, recover from trauma, share your natural gifts with the world, and receive the elixirs and treasures the world has to offer. You will create the life you deserve and feel peace, joy, freedom, and love along the way.
Your system when you’re the hero of your own story. Your survival strategies transform into thriving strategies. Your core fears become your core rights. And your primal wounds reveal your primal gifts.
The 12 Self-Hero Steps to Heal Trauma and Create the Life you Deserve without Burnout
We acknowledge we were powerless over the effects of family dysfunction, that the protective armor or coping strategies which bravely and successfully helped us survive as children have made our lives overwhelming as adults.
Opened our hearts to the possibility that a power–greater than anything we could have imagined–exists within us and can restore us to who or what we were meant to be before our childhood wounding.
Make a decision to be curious and explore who we truly are and what our lives could be like if we were to trust the inner power of our Self.
Brave the wilderness of our inner worlds and discover the burdens we carry that have made us vulnerable reactors as opposed to Self-led actors of our lives.
Embraced with courage and compassion the burdened parts of us that have made us react out of fear and hurt ourselves or others in the process of trying to survive.
Were entirely ready to release all of these burdens and live in the present.
Trusted Self to help us release these burdens from our minds and bodies.
Invited into our minds and bodies the qualities we lost as a result of our childhood wounding and the qualities we will need moving forward to joyfully thrive.
Retired from the family roles we were forced to play for survival reasons and practiced our adult freedom to create and choose the identities, jobs, and roles that align with our true nature, gifts, and talents.
Continued to brave the wilderness of our inner worlds and check in with our parts so they know they are seen, heard, and loved and, when they are overwhelmed, help them see and hear our core Selves and let go of what’s no longer needed.
Sought through turning inside with genuine intention to improve our trust in our own Self, our right to belong, be powerful, and worthy of loving connection just as we are.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps and becoming Self-led actors, Self-Heroes of our own lives—we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to show up for our shared human vulnerabilities with courage, compassion and calm.
My intention in sharing this is for us to create a tribe, a Self-Hero Community, committed to saving the vulnerable parts of us waiting to be seen, heard, and loved. I believe together we can confront our dragons and for the first time truly meet ourselves. As Rainer Maria Rilke says,
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
Take a deep breath to check in. If it feels right for you, invite your attention inside. Does this resonate with you? What’s going on inside your body? Is there a sense of lightness, softness, tingling, expansiveness, upward movement? If it does, your next step is to book a free consultation with me.
I believe in my bones that you already are the hero of your own story and all you need to do is uncover the innate healing potential within you. You CAN heal from your past and achieve the life deep down you know you’re worthy of. And I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be painful or uncomfortable. You CAN feel joy, peace, freedom, and love along the way.
Now, it’s your turn. I’d love to know your thoughts, reactions, feelings! Here’s some food for thought:
What would you like to get out of a 12-step program for high achievers and perfectionists that focuses on deep inner healing work?
What’s the number one thing holding you back from becoming the hero of your own story?
If you weren’t working so hard to achieve or prove yourself, what would you be doing? How would you be living?
I can’t wait to hear from you. I’m so glad you’re here and we can have a conversation that releases us from the shame of our pasts and frees us up to fulfill our potential as professionals, partners, mothers, daughters, sisters, and humans. I look forward to seeing you around sofiavasi.com
With love xx,
